Every Hour Asleep is...

I heard a great quote from Adam Carolla on his show.

The topic drifted briefly through morning show hosts who don't seem to be morning people. Danny Bonaduce was mentioned, and Adam "defended" him by saying that Danny didn't mind being up early, because "every hour asleep is an hour not smoking."

Yep. I can relate. But, more often I think about every second spent outdoors. For me it seemed mandatory that a cigarette be lit up immediately upon passing through any door on the other side of which smoking would not reap immediate, significant repercussions.

By the way, I'm coming up on my 2 year anniversary of being smoke-free. And I still have the occasional craving.

The Smoker with the Dragon Tattoo

I'm watching The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

The character Lisbeth is a smoker.

The first few times she lit up a cigarette on screen, I could feel it. You see her face, and she is deep in thought. You can see the subtle, temporary relief as she exhales that first burst of smoke. I would inhale while watching, and have a lapse of yearning. This is repeated several times throughout viewing the film (I'm watching it in sections, when I have spare time).

Then later in the movie, there is interval in which she lit up 3 or 4 cigarettes within about 10 minutes of the movie (not in real time; there is an assumed lapse of time between shots). And during this, my body & mind interpreted it as being consecutive light-ups, and I began to feel a faint nausea, as I would if I had smoked too many cigarettes in a row...

Snotgurgle

I have a coworker who is a smoker. Occasionally she'll ask me if I still haven't broken down and smoked a cigarette. When I tell her "yep" (it's true), she says, "Why, you little sh*t!"

I know she's saying it playfully, and my reaction isn't really smug. I always add something about it being rough, etc.

She wishes she could quit, and has tried many times. I'm not judging her for it, because I'm still amazed that I was able to free myself from the lash, and stay so for this long. I remember she briskly walked through the office, announcing, "I'm gonna quit smoking! I've got the patches and everything!"

Of course within 3 or 4 days, she was right back to puffin' GPC's on her breaks.

She started smoking at an earlier age than me, and she's a grandmother in her early 50's.

I don't know, but I imagine there is not much motivation to quit at that point in life. Alot of people take the opportunity of having to quit when they're pregnant. The expectant father may take the opportunity as well, despite not having the direct imperative. It's almost like having someone with whom to make a pact.

Many resume at some point - even years - after the child is born. Others try to muster the motivation again when they become grandparents.

Well, this women has had 4 kids. Now 2 of those kids have kids of their own. One of those kids is coming of age, and will probably fall in the grand tradition of getting knocked up at around 17.

Maybe she'll muster the strength when she becomes a great grandmother before she turns 60.

But until then (getting to the real reason I logged in to type this entry), I will have to suffer the effects of hearing her cough.

I'm talking about a certain kind of cough, here. Not the loud, intense, violent hacking fits where you think the person is going to choke and die. We (ex)smokers have all had plenty of those. There are actually a few different classifications of coughs I hear from her lungs, but the one I'm focused on is like an almost-cough. It's not always that tickle in the throat, triggering a hacking fit. Sometimes...well really often actually...there is just a rising of phlegm in the throat. I can hear it.

If it was a dude, and it was outdoors or something, he would just hock up a big-ass wad of phlegm and spit a loogie with a loud, self-satisfying whhhh-thoop! But this is a woman in the workplace. So she does this kind of half-cough. I can clearly hear the phlegm gurgle in her throat. I can feel it gurgling in her throat. And then I experience a gag reflex. And it happens so regularly that when it's not happening, I occasionally just remember hearing it, and gag.

Ugh. But, see, I myself used to be a perpetual phlegm generator. I coughed all the time, and had plenty of mucus of my own to eject.

So, although I cringe and gag whenever I hear phlegm gurgling in this woman's throat every day, it is an effective reminder. It makes me roll my eyes, close them, and acknowledge to myself just how f'ing good it is to be free of smoking, however long my abstinence endures.

1 Year Anniversary!

Yesterday marks the end of the first year I have gone without taking a single puff off of a cigarette.*

Pretty amazing.

Equally amazing is that I still had a craving yesterday.

I'm convinced that I'll never be safely free from it's grasp. A lapse in vigilance could lead to an instant slip back in the giant ashtray.



* 7.5 months free of nicotine replacement products