Depression

I get that tingle in my nose. I feel the muscles and skin of my cheeks and mouth giving gravity leverage. A wave of despair fills in. For about 30 seconds I am crippled with a feeling of utter hopelessness and futility. A quick, flashing montage runs through my head of everything that has gone wrong, and all that can potentially go wrong in the areas of my life that are the most consequential.

It's like a rain cloud quickly accumulating, building and moving in the sky above my head. It reaches maximum density, and pours down right overhead.

And then, after less than a minute, it's gone, leaving everything the same as it was. I'm alive, I'm not smoking, and the world keeps turning.

Often the thoughts accompanying this emotional surge are vague enough to clue me in on the truth; these are merely symptoms of a chemical depression and a normal part of withdrawal for many abstaining smokers.