Yesterday, on my way home from work, an idea popped into my head.
I thought about stopping off at a convenience store and picking up a pack of the good ol' wide lights.
It was sunny, but not too hot. The idea of finding some spot in a parking lot with a minimal amount of shade, adjusting the seat back a bit, and lighting up sounded like just the thing I needed; the solution to all my worries.
Just kicking back there smoking a cigarette or five, daydreaming away an hour or so.
Man....
But then I realized how f*cking disgusting smoking is, and how it fucked me over for so god d*mned many years, and got some heart clogging fast food instead.
It's nice to not having much of anything to post here anymore...or rather, lately.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Stacy Keach: Cocaine vs. Nicotine
Stacy Keach was the guest for an extensive interview on The Adam Carolla Show today.
In going through his life and career, the conversation naturally moved toward Keach's well known cocaine bust at Heathrow Airport in 1984.
He said that his cocaine addiction at that time was to the point that he is convinced that getting busted may very well have saved his life.
In prison, he was forced into unaided detoxification. He went from doing cocaine all day/every day/night to complete abstinence.
He was also a heavy cigarette smoker.
When asked how painful it was to quit cocaine cold-turkey, he said it wasn't that bad. It was being deprived of cigarettes that was excruciating. Giving up cocaine was easy for him, compared to quitting smoking.
In going through his life and career, the conversation naturally moved toward Keach's well known cocaine bust at Heathrow Airport in 1984.
He said that his cocaine addiction at that time was to the point that he is convinced that getting busted may very well have saved his life.
In prison, he was forced into unaided detoxification. He went from doing cocaine all day/every day/night to complete abstinence.
He was also a heavy cigarette smoker.
When asked how painful it was to quit cocaine cold-turkey, he said it wasn't that bad. It was being deprived of cigarettes that was excruciating. Giving up cocaine was easy for him, compared to quitting smoking.
Monday, February 14, 2011
2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY
I just hit the 2 year mark -- my 2nd Anniversary as a Non-Smoker. Yay, me!
If I can do it, you can do it, motherf*ckers!
Wish me luck in year 3 and beyond.
It definitely gets easier after the excruciating hell of withdrawal. And easier still after the first year. But, that demon is always there, waiting in the wings. He's smirking and tapping his foot; just waiting for any sign of weakness when he can step in and shove his dick in my mouth (his dick being a lit cigarette).
If I can do it, you can do it, motherf*ckers!
Wish me luck in year 3 and beyond.
It definitely gets easier after the excruciating hell of withdrawal. And easier still after the first year. But, that demon is always there, waiting in the wings. He's smirking and tapping his foot; just waiting for any sign of weakness when he can step in and shove his dick in my mouth (his dick being a lit cigarette).
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Looking Back
Some things in life look better the smaller they get in your rear view mirror. After they are out of sight, they are at the mercy of selective memory. They lose weight, warts disappear, etc.
This can easily happen with cigarettes in the mind of the quitter.
I'm coming up on 2 years post-smoking.
That feeling still occasionally sweeps over me; an imagined rushing sensation, as in the anticipation of that first suck off a lit cigarette. Often, it's seeing someone on the screen/monitor taking in a much needed, very satisfying whiff of first-hand smoke that triggers it.
It seems like the memory of pleasurable aspects of smoking remain eternally intact. They can re-enter the mind at any time effortlessly or despite any effort to suppress them.
The detrimental aspects -- all the things terrible things associated with smoking, from perpetual coughing, the stench of all surrounding cloth, the nagging need that makes everything in between cigarettes an excruciating ordeal, etc. -- however, seem to take a concerted effort to retain. You have to perpetually remind yourself...in explicit terms.
By the way, I can't imagine being able to successfully quit smoking while drinking alcohol on a regular basis. Get a buzz on, and the aforementioned concerted effort dissolves in the foam.
This can easily happen with cigarettes in the mind of the quitter.
I'm coming up on 2 years post-smoking.
That feeling still occasionally sweeps over me; an imagined rushing sensation, as in the anticipation of that first suck off a lit cigarette. Often, it's seeing someone on the screen/monitor taking in a much needed, very satisfying whiff of first-hand smoke that triggers it.
It seems like the memory of pleasurable aspects of smoking remain eternally intact. They can re-enter the mind at any time effortlessly or despite any effort to suppress them.
The detrimental aspects -- all the things terrible things associated with smoking, from perpetual coughing, the stench of all surrounding cloth, the nagging need that makes everything in between cigarettes an excruciating ordeal, etc. -- however, seem to take a concerted effort to retain. You have to perpetually remind yourself...in explicit terms.
By the way, I can't imagine being able to successfully quit smoking while drinking alcohol on a regular basis. Get a buzz on, and the aforementioned concerted effort dissolves in the foam.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Every Hour Asleep is...
I heard a great quote from Adam Carolla on his show.
The topic drifted briefly through morning show hosts who don't seem to be morning people. Danny Bonaduce was mentioned, and Adam "defended" him by saying that Danny didn't mind being up early, because "every hour asleep is an hour not smoking."
Yep. I can relate. But, more often I think about every second spent outdoors. For me it seemed mandatory that a cigarette be lit up immediately upon passing through any door on the other side of which smoking would not reap immediate, significant repercussions.
By the way, I'm coming up on my 2 year anniversary of being smoke-free. And I still have the occasional craving.
The topic drifted briefly through morning show hosts who don't seem to be morning people. Danny Bonaduce was mentioned, and Adam "defended" him by saying that Danny didn't mind being up early, because "every hour asleep is an hour not smoking."
Yep. I can relate. But, more often I think about every second spent outdoors. For me it seemed mandatory that a cigarette be lit up immediately upon passing through any door on the other side of which smoking would not reap immediate, significant repercussions.
By the way, I'm coming up on my 2 year anniversary of being smoke-free. And I still have the occasional craving.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
The Smoker with the Dragon Tattoo
I'm watching The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.
The character Lisbeth is a smoker.
The first few times she lit up a cigarette on screen, I could feel it. You see her face, and she is deep in thought. You can see the subtle, temporary relief as she exhales that first burst of smoke. I would inhale while watching, and have a lapse of yearning. This is repeated several times throughout viewing the film (I'm watching it in sections, when I have spare time).
Then later in the movie, there is interval in which she lit up 3 or 4 cigarettes within about 10 minutes of the movie (not in real time; there is an assumed lapse of time between shots). And during this, my body & mind interpreted it as being consecutive light-ups, and I began to feel a faint nausea, as I would if I had smoked too many cigarettes in a row...
The character Lisbeth is a smoker.
The first few times she lit up a cigarette on screen, I could feel it. You see her face, and she is deep in thought. You can see the subtle, temporary relief as she exhales that first burst of smoke. I would inhale while watching, and have a lapse of yearning. This is repeated several times throughout viewing the film (I'm watching it in sections, when I have spare time).
Then later in the movie, there is interval in which she lit up 3 or 4 cigarettes within about 10 minutes of the movie (not in real time; there is an assumed lapse of time between shots). And during this, my body & mind interpreted it as being consecutive light-ups, and I began to feel a faint nausea, as I would if I had smoked too many cigarettes in a row...
Friday, September 17, 2010
Snotgurgle
I have a coworker who is a smoker. Occasionally she'll ask me if I still haven't broken down and smoked a cigarette. When I tell her "yep" (it's true), she says, "Why, you little sh*t!"
I know she's saying it playfully, and my reaction isn't really smug. I always add something about it being rough, etc.
She wishes she could quit, and has tried many times. I'm not judging her for it, because I'm still amazed that I was able to free myself from the lash, and stay so for this long. I remember she briskly walked through the office, announcing, "I'm gonna quit smoking! I've got the patches and everything!"
Of course within 3 or 4 days, she was right back to puffin' GPC's on her breaks.
She started smoking at an earlier age than me, and she's a grandmother in her early 50's.
I don't know, but I imagine there is not much motivation to quit at that point in life. Alot of people take the opportunity of having to quit when they're pregnant. The expectant father may take the opportunity as well, despite not having the direct imperative. It's almost like having someone with whom to make a pact.
Many resume at some point - even years - after the child is born. Others try to muster the motivation again when they become grandparents.
Well, this women has had 4 kids. Now 2 of those kids have kids of their own. One of those kids is coming of age, and will probably fall in the grand tradition of getting knocked up at around 17.
Maybe she'll muster the strength when she becomes a great grandmother before she turns 60.
But until then (getting to the real reason I logged in to type this entry), I will have to suffer the effects of hearing her cough.
I'm talking about a certain kind of cough, here. Not the loud, intense, violent hacking fits where you think the person is going to choke and die. We (ex)smokers have all had plenty of those. There are actually a few different classifications of coughs I hear from her lungs, but the one I'm focused on is like an almost-cough. It's not always that tickle in the throat, triggering a hacking fit. Sometimes...well really often actually...there is just a rising of phlegm in the throat. I can hear it.
If it was a dude, and it was outdoors or something, he would just hock up a big-ass wad of phlegm and spit a loogie with a loud, self-satisfying whhhh-thoop! But this is a woman in the workplace. So she does this kind of half-cough. I can clearly hear the phlegm gurgle in her throat. I can feel it gurgling in her throat. And then I experience a gag reflex. And it happens so regularly that when it's not happening, I occasionally just remember hearing it, and gag.
Ugh. But, see, I myself used to be a perpetual phlegm generator. I coughed all the time, and had plenty of mucus of my own to eject.
So, although I cringe and gag whenever I hear phlegm gurgling in this woman's throat every day, it is an effective reminder. It makes me roll my eyes, close them, and acknowledge to myself just how f'ing good it is to be free of smoking, however long my abstinence endures.
I know she's saying it playfully, and my reaction isn't really smug. I always add something about it being rough, etc.
She wishes she could quit, and has tried many times. I'm not judging her for it, because I'm still amazed that I was able to free myself from the lash, and stay so for this long. I remember she briskly walked through the office, announcing, "I'm gonna quit smoking! I've got the patches and everything!"
Of course within 3 or 4 days, she was right back to puffin' GPC's on her breaks.
She started smoking at an earlier age than me, and she's a grandmother in her early 50's.
I don't know, but I imagine there is not much motivation to quit at that point in life. Alot of people take the opportunity of having to quit when they're pregnant. The expectant father may take the opportunity as well, despite not having the direct imperative. It's almost like having someone with whom to make a pact.
Many resume at some point - even years - after the child is born. Others try to muster the motivation again when they become grandparents.
Well, this women has had 4 kids. Now 2 of those kids have kids of their own. One of those kids is coming of age, and will probably fall in the grand tradition of getting knocked up at around 17.
Maybe she'll muster the strength when she becomes a great grandmother before she turns 60.
But until then (getting to the real reason I logged in to type this entry), I will have to suffer the effects of hearing her cough.
I'm talking about a certain kind of cough, here. Not the loud, intense, violent hacking fits where you think the person is going to choke and die. We (ex)smokers have all had plenty of those. There are actually a few different classifications of coughs I hear from her lungs, but the one I'm focused on is like an almost-cough. It's not always that tickle in the throat, triggering a hacking fit. Sometimes...well really often actually...there is just a rising of phlegm in the throat. I can hear it.
If it was a dude, and it was outdoors or something, he would just hock up a big-ass wad of phlegm and spit a loogie with a loud, self-satisfying whhhh-thoop! But this is a woman in the workplace. So she does this kind of half-cough. I can clearly hear the phlegm gurgle in her throat. I can feel it gurgling in her throat. And then I experience a gag reflex. And it happens so regularly that when it's not happening, I occasionally just remember hearing it, and gag.
Ugh. But, see, I myself used to be a perpetual phlegm generator. I coughed all the time, and had plenty of mucus of my own to eject.
So, although I cringe and gag whenever I hear phlegm gurgling in this woman's throat every day, it is an effective reminder. It makes me roll my eyes, close them, and acknowledge to myself just how f'ing good it is to be free of smoking, however long my abstinence endures.
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