The Joys of Not Smoking: Jury Duty

Well, that's not quite right. There aren't so much joys of not-smoking. There's no joy in not smoking itself.

Joy can only be derived from not smoking in contrast to smoking; or rather being a smoker.

Now, during the quitting process, not smoking is actually excruciatingly painful, while smoking is the only and direct relief from that agony. The rewards of quitting smoking are very slow in creeping in, after months of anguish, in direct opposition to the immediate rush of relief when that first suck of smoke hits the lungs.

In this period* of abstinence from smoking, I've found myself in a few situations that really make me really appreciate the fact that I quit**. I've got to savor those feeling and ingrain them, because these are some of the things that will strengthen my mind in preventing relapse.

One shining example was...jury duty.

I had jury duty recently. Although it was nice to not be at my usual dead end day job, I was lucky to only have to actually show up to the court house for one day.

My assigned courthouse was in a community where even the rat holes have burglar bars. It is a 13 storey building, with 5 out of 6 very slow elevators operational. The stairs are off limits except in emergencies, and the user does not determine what constitutes an emergency. If a stairwell is entered, there is immediate, armed response.

It's not too bad at 7:30am, but after about 2 hours, the place is packed with all kinds people, none of whom are happy to be there. Many are expressing this, and may look at you as if you are responsible.

All of these people cram in the hot elevator waiting room, waiting for one of the tortoise-drawn elevators to return from it's journey around the sun. You've got power suited lawyers; drunk/stoned, tattood gangsters; entire families bawling post-verdict; police; junkies/tweakers; average joes, etc, etc, all trying to cram in this room to get on the next elevator. Since they seem to arrive so few and far between, it is necessary to pack bodies in to each car like sardines.

Needless to say, it is something anyone can die happy without having experienced.

Now, what about smoking? Well, if you want to smoke you have to go outside. Like on the balcony? The roof? What, no smokers' lounge? Nope. The only way is to deal with the elevator situation.

I can't imagine having to deal with that every time I needed a smoke. And I constantly needed a smoke. Well, actually I can imagine it. It just would have been torture, all day long. I would either be sitting in there jonesing like hell, dreading the attendant tribulation of the elevator journey. Or actually enduring it. After finally being down and outside to smoke, with all the nice folks hanging out there; by the time I got back up to the waiting room, it will have taken so much time I will be ready for another cigarette.

As I pondered, remembered and imagined all of this, the waiting room at jury duty surpassed comfortable and approached the luxurious.

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* By this period, I refer to a time where the agony of withdrawel has subsided to a tolerable level, but I don't yet necessarily feel entirely invulnerable to relapse.

** I feel the need to clarify that when I claim to have quit nicotine, I say so with the understanding that I will be on a slippery slope for the remainder of my life. Just as an alcoholic is eternally addicted to booze, I am in danger of reverting back immediately and deeply into smoking at any time.

Update

I'm still going strong.

I'm still not taking nicotine in any form.

Go me!

Does it ever really end?

Kowalski, progress report!

It's been 3 weeks since my last nicotine lozenge (132 days since my last cigarette).

I'm still having cravings.

Does it ever really end?

They say that an alcoholic will always be an alcoholic. There is no cure; only abstinence and recovery. Is it the same for nicotine addicts?

Snus!

In reading about an overseas acquaintance of mine, I came across a brief survey.

When asked about his nasty habits, he answered, "Snus."

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Before I continue, I must digress with an aside: What the hell is a snu?

Well, snus is not the plural form of snu. Snus (which rhymes with noose, not snooze) is (not are) Swedish snuff. Camel now offers it in the U.S. as little packets, similar to the ol' Skoal Bandits. The difference with snus is that allegedly, you don't have to spit out the juice. So you can pretty much pop one between your cheek and gum anytime/anywhere and nic' up fairly unnoticed.
~~~~~~~~

He and I have some basic things in common, and my imagination fills in the gaps so that I can relate to (my perception of) his story.

We both are males of the same age with 1 child and very generally have similar lines of work, temperament, self-esteem, etc.

In continuing to weave a fictitious tale based on my personal interpretation of little factual knowledge, I would say:

He smoked cigarettes before his daughter came along. He tried to quit, and found it to be beyond his power, as most of do; especially under the stress of being a slacker/artistic type suddenly expected to transform into a bread-winning father.

Snus was right there waiting; such a simple solution! No need to go through the never ending hell of withdrawel; you don't have to quit; you just switch over to snus. No second hand smoke to damage your family's lungs with; no foul smells in the air, on your clothes, apolstery, etc. Even the disgusting constant necessity to spit out the juice into a makeshift spitoon that comes with chewing tobacco or dip is gone!

I just barely slipped past the snus trap. Just (in falsetto:) baaaaaaarely.

When I bought what was to be my final pack of cigarettes, I was given a free promotional gift by the clerk behind the mini-market counter. It was a little tin of Camel Snus. Brand new product; try it!

I was scared of it, for some reason.

I think I was afraid because I didn't know how to guage the intake/impact. I thought I might overdose on nicotine, and feel sick. I wouldn't go without a cigarette for long enough to clear my system enough to take nicotine in an additional form.

Also, I sensed (imagined) some evil about it, but I couldn't put my finger on it. It just seemed to be another way to get people addicted. With many of the stigmas associated with smoking removed through this product, tobacco companies can still thrive and reap profits in a world where smoking might actually decline.

I feel lucky I chose to quit when I did, and that I used the lozenges rather than snus. Snus arrived in my awareness at a very critical time. If I had given in to try it, I would have definitely switched over to it. To the rest of the world, I could say, "I quit smoking!" but really I just switched products.

Obviously, I did, in fact, switch products; from cigarettes to lozenges. What would be the difference if I had switched to snus instead of lozenges? Well, I believe that the lozenges contain less nicotine, but more importantly less of all the other toxic chemical additives that enhance the tobacco products making them more addictive. I think the lozenges are less addictive and therefore somewhat less difficult to quit taking.

The idea of the nicotine replacement is the same as methadone for junkies, I believe. The replacement is only supposed to be temporary. One makes` the switch in order to get off the hard stuff immediately without one's body being shocked too drastically. You are switching to a less dangerous alternative to ease the severity of withdrawel symptoms. But eventually you have to stop taking the replacement to truly be a successful quitter.

Weight Gain

Gee, I quit smoking and didn't gain weight. Wow.

Oh, wait...I replaced cig's with lozenges. Now that the lozenges are gone, how do I reward myself with little cheap thrills every couple of hours a day?

I think if I'm to be a stereotypical quit-smoking-weight-gainer, it will begin now.

Goddamn, I want a lozenge right now. Just some little tingly buzz. Something!

If I was to take a drink or smoke marijuana, it wouldn't help. Rather than distract me, it would increase the desire for nicotine, as well as break down my resistance. Drinking always breaks down discipline, and makes you susceptible to saying "f**k it" to any responsiblity.

I chew these little pillow-shaped pieces of sugarless gum. I buy the little plastic jars of them. They help with the oral fixation to some small degree, but nothing is ever enough.

I just carry on, day after day, hoping the desire will fade; that I'll get over it, or at least get used to it.

1 Week Nicotine Free

I am now 1 week nicotine free.


I reached a point in my nicotine replacement program and plateaued.

To summarize:
For the first 4 weeks or so, I used one 4mg lozenge every 1.5 to 3 hours.
Then I switched to the 2mg (lower strength) lozenges, but didn't change the schedule. Or if I did, I soon drifted back into the same frequency.

And there I remained for well after the 12 week mark (which is the time by which one should have systematically weaned off entirely)...16 weeks, I believe. =shrug=

When I ran into friends, I told them that I quit smoking, and that now I'm addicted to nicotine lozenges instead. There seemed no end in sight.

I knew it would be at some unforseen moment where circumstances coincide with a thrust of willpower. But when would this arise, and how could I make it or help it happen?

The stars aligned on a Tuesday (like the day I stopped cigarettes), June 30th. The unconnected events of nicotine supply depletion and becoming terribly ill (extreme nausea followed by violent vomiting, leading into the flu) paved the way for me to lay off the lozenges for a bit.

This is how lemonade is made.

As long as I could keep the temptation of buying a new pack of lozenges at bay, I could try to hold out and rough it. Just a few more days, and the worst of the painful cravings will pass; or so I have read.

So, here I am, a week later. Still having flashes of cold sweats every 1/2 hour or so. Still snapping into extreme anger over the slightest annoyance. Still craving at least one of the chemicals that became such an integral part of my physiology for about 2 decades.

But, hey! I'm 1 week nicotine free!

Using illness as excuse to quit lozenges?

I haven't had a nicotine lozenge in about 3.5 days.

Seems ignorable if I were to go out and buy some today or tomorrow.

It wasn't necessarily a conscious choice to stop using them. [What the hell do we call it any way: taking them? Using them? Sucking on them?] I just got horribly sick that day.

Around lunch time, I started feeling nauseous and generally, physically strange. Coincidentally, I had run out of lozenges. I started feeling sick before the usual after-lunch lozenge-popping time.

Well the sickness ran it's course: nausea to violent vomiting binge to fatigue to aches to chills to hot (back'n'forth) to headache to...better!

So now, I am feeling spells of cold sweats, but now I know it's the lack of nicotine. I'm feeling it now as I type it, and I'll probably feel it every hour (at least) for the next few days.

Can I do it? Can I actually be not only cigarette free (yes, I still have not smoked since March '09), but NICOTINE free!?

Stay tuned....